ami-bovvered's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's that time of year Two things stress me out this time of year. Mother's Day and Father's Day. The thing that stresses me out the most is looking for a card that is fitting. For both my mother and my father, I have to weed through all the cards that say, "You've always been there for me" or "Now that I'm grown up, we're like best friends". I WISH I could buy a card like that and have it fit, but it doesn't fit, so I can't do it. Why can't I just get one and let that lie make them feel better? Because I'm one of those people who, if I'm going to spend money on something someone else wrote, it had better be accurate. As of yet, I haven't been able to find the cards that say, "Hey Mom, thanks for the emotional abuse you gave to me growing up" or "Now that I'm an adult, I've realized you were right all along... I AM an idiot." For my father it would be, "Daddy... I call you Daddy because that's how small I was the last time I really saw you, you know before recently when you decided you wanted to be in my life." Oddly enough, I have more tender feelings for my father than my mother. Maybe because I have memories of the scenarios I made up in my head where he would come and rescue us from our lives, and maybe I dreamed about that so often, I actually have fond feelings of those delusions. Or maybe because he wasn't around, he didn't really do much direct damage to us. I made the decision this year to skip the Mother's Day card. That was a big decision because my mom is the type who loves cards. I think she believes every single word and holds it as proof that she wasn't the horrible beast she was. And that's why I can't just get her a card that isn't accurate. I can't add to her warped memory. We saw her on MD, and we got her a big flower to plant (turns out it is a poisonous flower, but I swear I didn't know that when I got it), and I just left it at that. My dad lives in Florida, though, so I will go through every single card on the shelf to find the one that is just nice enough without being an outright lie. This isn't as hard as finding one for my mother because I know now, as an adult, that he wishes he was in our lives more growing up, and that he regrets the mistakes he made. Maybe that's what I need to find... one that says, "Daddy, I know you would've been there for me if only that bitch would've let you get anywhere near us." I think there needs to be a whole section in the card store for cards like this. It would be nearly impossible to keep the shelves stocked! Oh well, I've got a couple of weeks to find one and actually get it in the mail this year. ~Diane 12:31 p.m. - 2011-05-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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